A wild Encounter with a Zoroastrian Taxi Driver

Every time I do something good, something bad happens. I can’t be happy. I’m afraid to be happy because I know that something bad will happen. I’m not superstitious, but lately these things happen. I took in some guy, he was drunk, suddenly he started speaking crazy shit, then he banged the window. It broke, it took me half an hour to clean it. You see the blood? I was cut while cleaning it. I thought it was just one finger, but you see, here’s another one. My own car broke, I have to pay $72 a night for this car, and they look for every little thing and charge you. I don’t know how much I’ll have to pay for this window. Just the gas is $30. And it started like a good day. I got two phone numbers from cute girls. I had lunch with a Rumanian girl. I played ping-pong With Anastasia, a Russian girl in the office.

I came to this country in 1965. I worked for the Iranian consulate in Chicago and did a degree in political science, and a Master in UIC. I was the third in the consulate, an assistant to the vice-consul. It was a very promising job. When the revolution broke out, students stormed the consulate in Chicago, they showed us orders from the government and told us that we have 3 hours to evacuate. What could we do? They looked at my political record, they saw that I was clean, and told me that if I want I can stay. Fuck you, fanatics! I gave them reasons, I’m still studying, things like that, but I didn’t want to stay with them. Fucking fanatics! They destroyed Iran! The Arabs came and destroyed all the libraries. You know, Nishapur, the city of Omar Khayyam. They destroyed all the books. You know, Farsi, all languages came from it. English, Greek, they spread all around Europe. Ireland, Yugoslavia, Lithuania, everywhere. Were are not Arabs! The Arabs came and removed the Farsi alphabeth, only four letters remained. The Arabs can’t say “p”, they say “b” instead. We are not Arabs, we are Europeans!

When I came here, I married a Jewish girl. Cynthia Levine. She introduced me to bagel lux, there used to be a place up on Bryn Mawr. All around this place, there were lots of Jews. Rogers Park too. She told me: I love your brain. I’m in love with your brain. I am a handsome man. She told me, I love your brain, then your body, then your soul. I called my friends in Iran, I told them that I married a Jewish girl. They told me why did you marrying a Jewish girl? They are all fanatics! Look at their prophet, Muhammad. He married a 14 year old. Today, that’s sexual abuse. What do you care if I marry a Jewish girl? I love her, she loves me. You know, we could have been together today with six children. If it wasn’t for her mother. Her mother, she interfered and destroyed everything. I was a student, I didn’t have money, she thought I’m no good for her daughter because I had no money, she interfered and ruined everything. But if it wasn’t for that, we would have stayed together.

All the troubles in the world come from religion. Look what they did in Iran. Even in Israel, Hassidic Jews took over. Menahem Begin couldn’t fly on Saturday and meet Saadat because of them. You know, I like speaking with Jewish people. Because you a-l-w-a-y-s learn something. When I started out here, my best friend, Daniel [… some Jewish-Iranin name], we lived together. We bought a cab together. Then he got married with some Jewish Iranian girl. I think he’s somewhere in California now.

The Arabs, they have so much land. So much oil and money. The Jews are ancient people, they must have their place, how can you deny ancient people? You know, Farsi are not Arabs. My people are Bakhtiary, from the mountains, from the southwest. Very brave warriors, always at the front guard. Zoroastrians. The shi’ites, they were waiting for two hundred years. When I left I predicted it e-x-a-c-t-l-y what’s going to happen. In twelve years, there will be a revolution and they will take over. The Shah was stupid. There were socialist, social-democrats, Mutsadek. He should have let them. Life are so precious. You know what is the chance of being born? It’s one in a millions of million. The first thing every religion says is thou shall not kill, but they are the greatest murderers.

I never came back. I got here with my sister in 1965 and she came back in 1980. She studied journalism and became a reporter in Iran, she worked in a sport magazine, now she’s an editor. My other sister stayed here, she died from pancreatic cancer in 1987. So fast, four months, she became all white, she died. It broke my heart. I became an orphan. You know, always take care of your sisters. Even after they are married. Men can be abusive, I know that, you must ask and take care of them. When your parents are gone, a sister is like a mother. You must take care of your sisters.